The Way of the Paw

. Many things have happened here since we created the first Putties for Pagans several weeks ago. As you must know, everything is a putty toy to putties. We have watched them go crazy with drinking straws. The cardboard tube that holds a roll of paper towels also affords a lot of amusement when the paper towels are gone. But their favorite thing is a ball. We have this green round thing that holds a lot of the smaller balls, that they roll around in. It is so much fun to watch them bat the balls around the circle. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Stephen found a blue rubber ball in the street, and brought it home for the putties. It’s too large to fit in the round thing, but it does sit very nicely on top of the track. The putties bat it around in circles.

The putty mantra is: bite bite bite, chew chew chew, buzz buzz buzz, lick lick lick, fart fart fart, scratch scratch scratch. Trashing is a major putty activity. They trashed Stephen’s divination board, his bed, and then when we were doing a ritual Tarot reading to mark the Full Moon, they trashed the card arrangement. Bailee lay right on top of it, which is her wont. She imitates a beached whale at such times. I don’t care, I will lift her up, either to place a card in the proper position, or to pick a card up from under her. I put catnip on the toys, and the putties went crazy. There is putty klutz fu, falling off the table, or attempting to jump onto the table and missing it. “I meant to do that, I’ve been planning to do that all week.” George Carlin, our favorite stand up comedian-philosopher. He was supposedly a comedian, but I consider him to be a [ho;osopher because he spoke the truth.

Then there’s Pye pye pye-wacket. Pye pye pye-wacket chocolate covered Pyewacket, yum yum yum! She licks and bites noses while buzzing, which is my word for purring. We call her the Pyewacketeer, the Funny Looking Splotched Thing, and the accordion putty.. Bailee and Frakki are inseparable Stephen calls them the lezbo-putties. Inky is First Putty, who lived in pits, and learned to use his claws in self-defense. [a take off from a Firesign Theatre routine] . Inky has many other names, two of them are Inka dinka doodle do and Putty duog man. Bailee is Bailee Beasley Beastly, the Triple B Threat, or as I like to call her, 3B! Of course, when you call her that it’s always with an exclamation point after it, and in a high pitched voice. She’s also Ma Bailee, and Machine Gun Bailee. Little Boy is also a Putty Duog Man, First Daddy (because he’s sired so many kittens, and is a paws-on daddy. He stays engaged with his kids, even though he’s been neutered. Dr. Livingston I. Presume aka Princess Henrietta the Navigator. We thought she was a boy for over 9 months until one day this last spring when I looked under hir tail and discovered that s/he was a girl cat. It was at that time that I declared that the middle initial I stood for Isadora, which means “gift of Isis.” She is also called “Monkey Putty,” because of her penchant for climbing to great heights and jumping down upon a human’s shoulder or chest.

Frakki lives here. Frikki lives elsewhere. We call them the twins because they both look Siamese, even though their parents don’t look Siamese. Both Oreo and Little Boy must have had some Siamese in them. My theory is that about 5 years ago or so there was a very active Siamese seal point tom in the area. Then there is Putty Bear the Gray Bandit. He came in saying “This is MY house. I LIVE here. These are MY humans Where’s MY dinner?” Megan, Stephen’s daughter, calls him Smoky. He was severely beaten by a dead beech leaf. He and the beech leaf got into a fight, and the beech leaf won! He came away from the putty combat whining and whimpering. All 7 are fierce and great hunters. They bring in grasshoppers, crickets, and praying mantises. I don’t mind them destroying the grasshoppers and the crickets, but I wish they’d leave the praying mantises be, because praying mantises destroy bugs.

Each one has a distinctive personality. They all love putty combat. Currently it’s Pyewacket, Princess Henrietta the Navigator, and Frakki as a tag team picking on poor Putty Bear. Eventually Putty Bear will be twice the size of any of them, and proceed to take out his revenge up[on them, one at a time. Stephen will sell tickets. He said I could have the snack concessions. That’s where the real money is. It would be even better if we could merchandise the whole thing. Think of it, little stuffed Pyewackets, Putty Bears, Dr. Livingstons, Frakkis, key chains with resin miniatures of each putty, pins.

The Necroputtycon is the “Way of the Paw,” the manifesto of the Putty Conspiracy. To be puttied means that you have at least one putty lying or sitting on you, and the rule is that you cannot move until the putty gets off. There is majorly puttied, completely puttied, and severely puttied. They love to be sung to. One of the songs we like to sing to them is “How much is that putty in the window? The one with the scraggly tail. How much is that putty in the window. I do hope that putty’s for sale.” Bailee and Pyewacket are both love sponges. All the putties are putty yogis, masters of putty yoga. There are special putty asanas, as when they lick their own hind ends. Pyewacket goes insane for salami slices. The putties make all their balls disappear.

When feeding the putties, say “Putties!” in a high pitched voice. They respond best to high-pitched voices. The white female, whom I named Guinevere lets Stephen pet her whilst she’s eating. I say funny nonsense things to the putties like “Wubba wubba wubba the girl.” As I said before, the putties love to be sung to, They don’t seem to care whether you can carry a tune in a pail, or if you’re off-tune. They aren’t critics at all. I think they just like the attention. They also like it when you recite or read poetry to them. It can be the classics, like “Tiger tiger burning bright in the forests of the night.”, modern poetry or your own. They won’t know the difference. I have three songs I sing to Ma Bailee: “Hry there Bailee Girl” to the tune of “Georgy Girl,” “Bailee Go ‘Round the Roses,” and the Temptations’ hit “My Girl”.

They always know when we aren’t feeling well, and gather around to offer their comfort. When I’d first gotten my gall bladder removed, both Bailee and Pyewacket liked to lie on my main incision. I was really sore there, though, so I’d move them to a more comfortable spot. Pyewacket would knead me and bite my nose, buzzing the whole time. They both like to chew on our glasses. Bailee also likes to chew on my jewelry or buttons, so I have taken to wearing my necklaces under my tee shirt or tank top. The Deadly Watch Chain, the Dreadful Headset, and the Baneful Beads are still among the putties’ favorite toys. The Dreadful Headset is a headset that has already been ruined. Putty Duog Man Little Boy is a Drool Master or Master Drooler.. We have all these little songs we sing to the putties. We either make them up or set the words to a song we already know. The putties have made cuteness into a magickal power. I call them “Qute Ness Monsters.”

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. We’re their servants. But we make them “bark” before we give them food. And if there are two putties, and one slice of salami, there are sure to be lots of growling. The putties will follow us if we have food. They have this whole spy network going, and report back to Ma Bailee. Putties are fantastic creatures, and they are inscrutable. George Carlin liked putties because they just didn’t give a sh*t, and neither did he. The 100 putty phenomenon is when a putty sticks in her paw, gets a single piece of food, then puts it in her mouth. It’s a takeoff of the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon, where the monkeys were washing their sweet potatoes in salt water, because they taste better that way, and when 100 of them were washing their sweet potatoes, the colony across the way all washed their sweet potatoes. Lately Pyewacket has started a new wrinkle of it. She sticks her paw in the water dish, then licks her paw draw. Bailee started it with the food, and taught it to the other putties. Next we’ll hear about putties across town doing it, then it will truly be the 100th putty phenomenon.

When we still had Oreo’s 2nd litter here, and she had weaned them from her, the puttiettes started to suckle on Dr. Livingston. This was funny because not only had she never had a lirrwe, but she had been spayed several months before. We didn’t think she would be lactating, but the kittens sucked on. Misty lost part of her tail, and we haven’t been able to solve that mystery. Pyewacket is a very tough putty; she can lick anyone in the house, and often does. She will also knead you if she likes you. It’s nice to be kneaded. The putties like to lie down on Stephen’s computer keyboard, and his divination board. Our finances are so bad that we are considering hiring out the putties to our friends as comic relief. We then came up with a song about it “Pimping out the putties, pimping out the putties, we shall come rejoicing, pimping out the putties.” The putties keep Stephen from playing his video games by unplugging his computer. I just looked at Inky, our black male, He was lying in his back with his paws in the air. So funny. When they do something bad, they get the tooty dance as a punishment.

Saturday night a bunch of us witches gathered to plan a ritual to get rid of some entities that have been attacking a friend of mine. She was trying to get everyone to get out on the patio so that I could give a class on a couple of techniques of mine that will be necessary in the upcoming battle. And she used the line about “Trying to organize Witches is like herding cats.” I thought that was pertinent. Herding putties is a difficult task indeed.

I was scratching Pyewacket’s belly, and she was making these funny .noises, halfway between a meow and a purr. Then she was doing the 100th putty thing with the food in the bin. I put some more food in the bin and she redoubled her efforts until I lifted her up and carried her over to the food dish. Later we were forced to open up the food bin so that Bailee could do 100th Putty. I came into Stephen’s room and did an impromptu vaudeville occultism thing. Trouble is, neither of us can remember which song we did. I say we because he joined in the song. We’ve decided to join the 21st century and do not only the tooty dance but the tweety dance whilst tweeting on twitter.

I’ve just been kneaded by the buzzing Pyewacketeer. Another funny thing to say to a putty is yabba yabba yabba. Bailee is the keeper of the phone, and has crossed her paws. The putties are the only ones I can drink under the table, and that’s only because they’re already under the table. I was having a conversation in putty language with one of the putties and apparently I must have invited her to lie on my bed because there Pyewacket was, lying on my bed. I scritched her a little, promising to scritch her more in a couple minutes. But when I came back, she was eating. Stay tuned for more adventures of Putty Bear, or as Stephen likes to put is, The Beech Leaf Chronicles.

I was cooking some Italian sausage to put in the spaghetti sauce. I give the sausage skins to the putties. I tried to give Putty Bear one, but Pyewacket grabbed 4 out of the 5. Frakki got the only one she didn’t get, so poor little Putty Bear got none. Some major putty combat, and growling broke out among Pyewacket, Frakki, and Dr. Livingston. Tell us your funny putty stories. Are your putties as funny as ours? .

My blog at both Blessed Be UK and Avalon was removed because I was asking for sorely needed money. Apparently, unless you are rich enough to afford one of their exorbitantly priced pro-memberships you can’t ask for money. If I were rich enough to afford a pro-membership, I wouldn’t need to ask for money would I? The owners and administration of both these sites discriminate against poor people. If you have a presence one either or both of these networks, please write a blog protesting this grossly unfair and prejudiced policy.

Vandals removed the bench from the bus shelter by the Extra Storage lot on Lawrence and Stockton Blvd. This happened at least 4 months ago. . Why are the Regional Transit people taking benches away from bus stops when they should be putting more in? It’s yet another way in which ordinary people are being shat upon just because they either aren’t rich enough to afford a car, or choose to take mass transit because they’re environmentally aware, or too old or blind to drive. Where are people supposed to sit whilst they wait for a bus that only comes when it feels like it? I’m lucky because when I start walking and taking the bus again I have my sporty red and black walker, which has a seat on it. So I have a chair wherever I go. I take my walker with me as a protest because I noticed early on that this town is notoriously short on places for people to sit either whilst walking to the shops or waiting for a bus that might or might not come. And now they’ve taken another one away.

Almost three months ago, I broke my right ankle. It was in a gallstone attack. I went to the bathroom, and was going to go to my room again when I was hit by a wave of pain so severe that I passed out. I must’ve sat on my ankle hard because when I tried to get up, my ankle went crunch! I sank down on my rear again against the door. Stephen and I had a dialogue: ”Are you all right?” he asked.

“No, I’m in a lot of pain.”

“I’m calling 911.”

“Ok.”

He asked me the questions the dispatcher asked him. I answered them. At length they arrived. I took my book and my purse with me. We went to Kaiser Morse hospital. I gave them the address. They knew how to get there. We arrived after a few minutes. They admitted me, and the next morning, my ankle was operated on. Then I spent from then until Wednesday the 7th in the hospital. I came home, and am now in full recovery. Six weeks ago I got into my room, and finally got access to my computer. Will give you updates as we proceed. Update: a month ago I got out of the house. My physical therapist taught me how to hop down the steps using my aluminum walker. I used it to go to the liturgy meeting, and then Sunday I went to our Grove’s Lughnasadh ritual, where I donated a dollar, and offered some whiskey to Miach for my own healing, the healing of my friend Snoodlady, who was in the hospital with a serious sinus infection that gave her double vision and vertigo, and my friend Cherye who has a nasty staph infection in her legs and feet. On two fronts there were immediate results. Snoodlady felt well enough to come home on Monday, and I learned to carry my walker whilst in my wheelchair. My physical therapist taught me some exercises to do in my wheelchair, and I worked myself up to 32 of each. The last one I learned was the wheelchair pushup. I did 32 of them today, for which I am very proud of myself. Stephen thought that you should know. ..

Yes, August 20th was my surgery day. And it happened as I hoped it would. I don’t remember what I dreamed whilst being under anesthesia. I did admitting, answered verifying questions, got something to relax me, and then woke up in Recovery. I was still pretty out of it, and a little sore. I put my clothes on, and Carl caught up with me. I came home, and relaxed. Healing has already started. I didn’t feel like having much of a supper. I found out, because the nurse weighed me, that I had lost 9 lbs. That was before the surgery, so I don’t know how much my gall bladder weighed, as full of gall stones as it was. Also I’m wearing a fiber glass cast, so I don’t know how much I’ll lose when I lose the cast, and can finally start TAKING SHOWERS!

Two weeks agoI lost the eboot. I’m walking. I’m no longer using the wheelchair. Soon the Durable Medical Equipment people will come and take it away. I still have a bit of healing to do as far as my bones are concerned, but Dr. Van Voris says that walking will stimulate the bones to regenerate. I am thrilled. Stephen is thrilled too. He no longer has to fetch my dinner or drinks, so he is relieved. Also I can help him with cleaning chores, like vacuuming. I can also get to my medical appointments on the bus, so that is a big load off our friend Carl’s mind. I pushed the wheelchair into the house, up the steps, and over the threshold. Also I have clearance to eat most foods in small amounts to see how I tolerate them, but I’m still restricting my sugar intake severely. I want to lose even more weight.

Stephen got his Vampire deck from Llewellyn today. It’s another late birthday gift to himself. You should see it, it’s gorgeous. I want one, but my money is earmarked for more vitamins.

We need paid readings and donations. Send donations to my Paypal account tezra.reitan@gmail.com and to Stephen’s email account at any of his email addies. If I get $5 donations, I shall send the donor a copy of one of my ebooks. For $20, you can have all five ebooks. This past month, the month of August, was the worst on Keen in the 10 years since Stephen (Frog) has been on the service. He made -$25 on KEEN in August. He owes $2000 in rent, and I owe $1000. What does it take to get you to open your pocketbooks?

Remember, if someone from a Ning network asks you to pay, say “No way!” The only way this’ll work is if we all stick together and call the a**holes on their BS. We have to be willing to walk away from our networks, because they are counting on people being scared to walk away from their networks. This guy Jason Rosenthal is a bully, and there’s only one way to deal with a bully, and that is, to stand up to him.

Stephen managed to scrape the $87 together. But it meant cutting into the rent money. He is already $2000 in the hole for the rent, and I am $1000 behind, because I can’t afford to pay $500 per month in rent.. You guys have not been doing your part. It’s not as though he’s begging for hand outs. He is willing to return value for value given. And $32 flat for a reading or a class is really a bargain. Ordinarily he charges $32 an hour, so $32 flat is a very good deal. Remember it’s 916-455-2267. Raise me on Windows Live Msgr or AIM and I’ll give you my phone number, and the hours you can call me.

Back before my accident, Stephen was able to scrape $50 together to pay our friend to put our website together, and she’s working on it now. I’m looking forward to seeing it. It should be very impressive. Fear not, we’ll keep you abreast of all developments on this front. Abbott’s Inn International School of Magick will then be on the internet map, so to speak, in a big way. Stephen has a website through Yellow Book. www.abbottsinninternational.com is the link. The phone number is 1-888-611-7982. Call him sometbrb
ime, and ask for a reading.

Inquiring minds want to know: How do we add music to our sites? Please let us know. The person who helps us do that earns a reading on webcam on the popular IM clients. The person who helps us establish ourselves on the Paganspace.net chat client earns a reading. We’re using readings as currency here because we have no other medium to use for an incentive. All the money we make goes for paying the bills of bare-bones living.
We’re in survival mode here, subsistence living.

Stephen is hopping mad right now (appropriate for a frog, no?) because his ex-wife Debbie is taking one of the twins and giving her to a strange woman who lives at their complex. He has grown quite attached emotionally to both of them, and doesn’t like to see the pair split up. I was prepared emotionally a long time ago for this eventuality. I just don’t know why it took Debbie so long to do it. I suspect that she calculated it so as to cause the most hurt to Stephen. Yes, she is that cruel. She claims to be a Wiccan, but doesn’t abide by the Rede at all, and never has a good word to say about anyone. I try not to think about what she says about me, but I shudder at the emotional abuse she piles on their daughter. Stephen was so emotionally distraught that he broke a pair of his glasses accidentally right after she called. Debbie never lifted a hand to care for these animals from the day they were born. Until my accident, we took turns feeding them, then Stephen took it over. It was he who shelled out moneys for food and kitty litter. Debbie has never compensated him in any way for the expenses. She just demands money from him. It was I who arranged for the twins to get spayed. We thought we were getting Frikki back, but the woman is holding onto her.

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